RNID: For deaf and hard of hearing people.

factsheet iconDeaf awareness factsheet

Living with someone who has a gradual hearing loss


This factsheet is part of RNID’s deaf awareness range. It is written for people whose partner’s hearing has gradually worsened.
In this factsheet you can find out:

How do I identify if my partner’s hearing is getting worse?

You may find that your partner:

  • needs a lot of the conversation repeated several times
  • misunderstands what is being said
  • complains that you are not speaking clearly or loudly enough
  • does not hear you when you come into a room
  • does not hear the doorbell or the telephone ring
  • cannot cope with pubs, parties and other noisy environments
  • turns the television up too loud for your comfort
  • speaks in a monotonous tone of voice, or is not speaking as clearly as before. 
How does my partner’s hearing loss affect how they hear?

If your partner has a gradual hearing loss they can usually hear vowel sounds clearly but not the consonants. Consonant sounds are crucial for carrying the meaning of words. Consonants create the high frequency sounds of speech and, unfortunately, it is the high frequency sounds that are lost when hearing worsens. For example, instead of hearing "What shall we have for supper?" your partner may hear "Wha- ar- we -av -or -ba?".

Your partner will gradually need to rely more on lipreading to 'fill in the gaps'. A lot of lipreading is guesswork. Some sounds and their lipshapes can be seen on the lips but some, such as p, m or b, are easily confused because they look similar. Other sounds are made in the back of the throat, so are invisible, for example – k or g.

Lipreading can 'fill in' the consonants that someone can no longer hear, but can lead to some misunderstandings – for example, 'biscuit' looks like 'big kiss'. For more information on lipreading, see page 6.

Seeking medical advice

Rather than waiting between the onset of hearing loss and seeking medical advice. This is because it's better to find out about and start wearing hearing aids sooner rather than later as getting used to amplified sound is harder if the person has already got used to a 'quieter' world.

So, if you think your partner has a hearing loss but they are not prepared to go to the doctor to get it checked, you could suggest they try RNID's hearing check. Just call
0845 600 5555 to take the check – it takes about five minutes and calls are charged at local rates. Visit: http://www.breakingthesoundbarrier.org.uk/ (external link) to find out more.

What does it mean for me and my partner if they have a hearing loss?

  • Chatting is hard work and tiring.
  • Your partner will have less time to relax because they will be concentrating more on communication.
  • Your partner may become isolated and start to miss social events because communication is too much of a strain.
  • Your partner may find that they cannot hear their own voice, so they are unable to hear how clear or loud their speech is for others. Some hard of hearing people may slur some of their speech sounds because they cannot hear their own voices to correct themselves.
  • If your partner's hearing loss means that everyone's speech is quiet for them, they will probably start to speak more softly as well.
  • Your partner may experience loudness recruitment (see explanation below). This is not unusual.
Loudness recruitment

Loudness recruitment is when a person finds it difficult to cope with loud noises such as the sound of a vacuum cleaner. If your partner has loudness recruitment, they may complain that they can't hear you, or at other times say you are shouting.

  • Your partner may have tinnitus – the noises that some people hear in the ears or in the head – buzzing, ringing, whistling, hissing and other sounds. For more information, see our leaflet Tune out tinnitus.
  • Your partner may also experience balance problems and feel dizzy. For more information, see our factsheet Dizziness and balance problems.

How can I help my partner?

It is important that you understand what has happened to your partner’'s hearing. You both need to accept the hearing loss and be positive about it.

  • Be supportive and patient.
  • Don't try to do everything for your partner – if the doorbell rings, encourage them to answer it.
  • Try not to speak for your partner or leave them out of the conversation.
  • Encourage your partner to explain their hearing loss to friends and family.
  • Carry on socialising – don't give up your normal social activities.
  • Try not to let your partner apologise for being hard of hearing – it is no-one's fault.
  • Set a good example for others to follow. Speak clearly and a little more slowly so your partner can understand you and other people can see how to communicate with your partner effectively.
  • Encourage your partner to visit their GP to have their ears examined. The GP may refer your partner to a specialist at an ear, nose and throat (ENT) unit in the hospital or directly to the audiology department. There may be a (long) NHS waiting list, so start the process as soon as possible.

Can my partner get a hearing aid?

Yes. To find out how to get a hearing aid, see our factsheets and leaflets on hearing aids. If your partner needs a hearing aid(s), it will benefit you both if you help him or her wear it correctly and look after it properly.

What does it mean for your partner to wear a hearing aid?

Hearing aids help people with a hearing loss improve their level of hearing but they do not restore hearing to normal levels.

Wearing a hearing aid(s) can be a big step for your partner to take. If your partner begins to wear an aid, it can take time for them to accept the doctor's advice. If your partner has a job, they could be concerned about how to cope at work. Your partner may also worry about further hearing loss.

Even when the aid(s) is first fitted, your partner may be disappointed if it does not work as well as hoped, so encourage them to wear the aid(s) all the time. Some people feel self-conscious about wearing a hearing aid. Your partner may only want to wear it at certain times or in certain situations. If you can, encourage your partner to wear the hearing aid more visibly as most people will make a greater effort to communicate clearly.

If your partner still finds the aid(s) difficult or thinks it is not working properly, encourage him or her to go back to the specialist who fitted it. You might like to go with them, so that you both understand how to use and maintain the hearing aid(s). You can also find out how your partner can benefit from support services such as hearing therapists (see below) or lipreading classes (see page 6).

Hearing therapists

Hearing therapists help patients aged over 16 who have become deaf to adapt to their hearing loss and related problems. They provide support, communication training and counselling for deaf patients and their partners. They also give advice about equipment and services for deaf people.

To find out more contact the British Academy of Audiology (BAA) (see page 11) or your audiology department.

How can I communicate better with my partner?

  • Make sure you have your partner's attention before you say anything.
  • Use your partner's name to attract their attention. People usually hear their name better than they hear other words.
  • Don’t approach your partner from behind, or tap them on the back to attract attention. Approach from the side or the front.
  • Turn the radio or the television off before you start a conversation.
  • Ask RNID's Information Line (see contact details on the front page of this leaflet) for our Communication tips card.
Lipreading

Lipreading needs a lot of skill and concentration. The following suggestions may make it easier for your partner to lipread you.

  • Find a suitable environment with good lighting, away from noise and distractions.
  • Sit or stand at the same level as your partner, about 3ft to 6ft away.
  • Face the light, or your face will be in shadow.
  • Make sure your partner is looking at you before you speak.
  • Introduce the topic of conversation.
  • Speak clearly at a moderate pace without raising your voice or over-emphasising your speech.
  • Use natural facial expressions, gestures and body language.
  • Keep your face visible. Do not put your hands near it or wear sunglasses – and do not turn away while you are talking.
  • Use plain English and repeat or rephrase something if your partner finds it difficult to follow.
  • Check that your partner can follow you and be patient.
Lipreading classes

Encourage your partner to attend lipreading classes in your local area. Going to a lipreading class is a great way to develop your lipreading skills, meet new people and find out more information about what's going on in your area. Some workplaces may agree to time off work to attend these classes.

To find a local class, go to the Association of Teachers of Lipreading to Adults. If there is no class in your area, ask your local adult education centre or college to provide one.
For more information on lipreading, see our leaflet Watch this face.

Are there any tips to help deal with everyday situations?

These tips can be used in different social and everyday situations.

Going to the doctor or hospital

  • Encourage your partner to tell staff that they have a hearing loss and/or wear a hearing aid(s).
  • If there is no visual display in the waiting room, tell the receptionist that your partner won't hear their name being called. This means the receptionist will need to come and get you.
  • If your partner wears a hearing aid, they can ask to see the doctor in a room fitted with a loop system. A loop system, helps people who use a hearing aid or loop listener hear sounds more clearly by reducing or cutting out background noise. An infrared system is an alternative to loop systems. 
  • Encourage your partner to ask the doctor to move to a different chair to make it easier to lipread.
  • Your partner can explain that it is difficult to lipread if the doctor is looking at a computer or writing on a pad while talking.
  • If your partner is worried that they will not understand what the doctor is saying, go along to the surgery with your partner.
  • Your partner could ask the GP to write down important details such as dates and times, prescriptions and how many times to take tablets.
  • Some doctors put a sticker on the patient's notes with a recognised symbol such as the Sympathetic Ear to show that a patient is hard of hearing or deaf. Your partner might want to ask for this.
  • In hospital, your partner can ask for their notes to display clearly that they are hard of hearing so that staff are aware of it.
  • Find out about badges, stickers and symbols used at the doctor's/hospital. These give deaf patients the option to use a sticker or label on their behead saying 'please speak clearly as I am a lipreader'.
  • Encourage your partner to speak for themselves, rather than you speaking for them.
  • Be sure of both your roles beforehand. Perhaps you could take on the job of writing notes so you and your partner can chat about the meeting afterwards, rather than butting in when the doctor is communicating with your partner.

Your partner can ask for a lipspeaker or notetaker to be present if lipreading is hard and if the consultation has been requested by the medical staff. They will need to book a lipspeaker or notetaker in advance. A lipspeaker repeats what a hearing person or speaker says for you to lipread without using their voice. A notetaker is trained to take accurate and clear notes.

At work

If your partner has a gradual hearing loss, their employer must make adjustments for them. For example:

  • modifying their job to take into account their needs
  • installing equipment such as amplified telephones, textphones or flashing alarms.

For more information about your partner’s rights, see our factsheet The DDA and employment rights.

Going out to a restaurant/party/pub
  • Your partner may not enjoy going out in a large crowd as it is difficult to lipread a lot of people at once.
  • Ask the pub or restaurant manager to turn down the background music if it is too loud. Explain how difficult it is for a hearing aid user to cope with background music.
  • Sit on your partner's 'better side' – the side on which they can hear most clearly – so you can repeat key words that they may have missed.
  • If the room is noisy encourage your partner to speak a little louder. Your partner may not realise that they need to adjust their speech volume.
  • Choose a place where the lighting is suitable for lipreading.
  • Try to sit away from the kitchen area, as banging doors and crockery will affect someone who is wearing a hearing aid.
Cinema, concert and theatre visits

Cinemas, concert halls and theatres may have a loop or infrared system.

  • Pre-book the best seats for watching, listening and using the loop or infrared system. When you book, check which seats have the best coverage from the induction loop/infrared system.
  • Check that the loop system is working. Ask for it to be switched on, if necessary. If it is not working properly, talk to the management.
  • Your partner might like to turn down their hearing aid(s) at the end of the performance so that the clapping noise is not uncomfortable.
Getting around
  • Walk on your partner's 'better side'. Remember that if your partner needs to lipread, walking and talking at the same time is difficult.
  • A car is noisy for a hearing aid user. Your partner can get loop systems to use in a car. See our factsheet Loops – a guide for deaf people.
  • On trains, or in stations, listen out for loudspeaker announcements and tell your partner what has been said.
Shopping
  • Your partner might want to wear a badge to let shop assistants know that they are deaf, hard of hearing or a lipreader. Contact Hearing Concern for one of these. See Where can I get further information? on page 11.
  • Your partner should look out for the loop sign on counters. If the loop is not working, or staff do not know how to use them, your partner should complain to the management.
  • Lipreading through a glass screen can be difficult. If your partner needs to have a long conversation at the bank or anywhere else, they should ask to go somewhere without a glass screen or be seen in a quiet room.
Going to meetings or places of worship

Your partner should ask:

  • whether there is a loop system available and whether it is working
  • the meeting organisers to change the lighting to make lipreading easier
  • to book a lipspeaker or notetaker if necessary
  • everyone to sit in the best position so that they can lipread
  • for advance information, so that he or she is able to take part.

How do I cope with my partner’s hearing loss?

You may find that your partner's hearing loss is stressful for you. Remember that frustration is normal when you cannot communicate with your partner as well as you used to. Here are some suggestions you might find useful:

  • Share the load with another family member or friend.
  • Go out together with a mutual group of friends so that neither of you feels isolated.
  • Have time for yourself – continue with your hobbies, sports or other interests. Do not feel you have to give up a hobby or interest because your partner is not able to share it with you.
  • Discuss your needs and concerns with your partner, and if necessary, with your GP.
Getting help if you are a carer

If your partner's hearing loss means you are spending a lot of time caring for him or her, you can get help and support from several organisations. See Where can I get further information?

What benefits or equipment are available?

You and your partner may be able to claim some benefits because of their hearing loss. You may also be eligible for many other benefits that are not related to their deafness.

Contact RNID’s Information Line for more advice, or read our leaflet The facts: Benefits.

Know your rights

The Disability Discrimination Act 1995 (DDA) aims to stop discrimination against deaf or disabled people as customers who buy goods, or use facilities or services provided to the general public. The DDA states that a service provider, for example a doctor, solicitor or a theatre, cannot discriminate against you by refusing to provide you with a service, treating you in a worse manner or providing the service on worse terms. A service provider may have to make a reasonable adjustment to its service, including providing equipment, if that will help you use the service. This includes making sure loop systems are turned on.

For more information, contact the Information Line or read our factsheet: The Disability Discrimination Act – a guide for deaf customers.

Equipment

There is a range of equipment available to help your partner in the home, car, workplace and when out socialising. For more information, see our leaflet The facts: equipment (external link, opens new browser window).

Getting equipment from your social services department

Your partner may be able to get some equipment from your local social services department (SSD). SSDs vary both in terms of the equipment they supply and whether or not they charge for it. They are encouraged to provide 'Direct Payment schemes', which give people who are eligible money to buy their own services, including equipment. For more information about their policy contact your social worker with deaf people or your local SSD. You will find their details in telephone directories under the name of your local council.

Buying equipment

Visit the RNID shop (external link, opens new browser window) or contact the RNID Information Line for a copy of our Solutions catalogue, full of products for deaf and hard of hearing people.

Where can I get further information?

Age Concern

Age Concern with help from RNID has published a book called Caring for Someone with a Hearing Loss.
The book costs £6.99 and is available from Age Concern’s online bookshop.
Website Ageconcern Bookshop (external link, opens new browser window)

Association of Teachers of Lipreading to Adults (ATLA)

ATLA is the professional association for teachers of lipreading to adults who have become deaf, or hard of hearing.
ATLA does not have a telephone or fax but you can contact them by mail or email. 

ATLA
Westwood Park
London Road
Little Horkesley
Colchester CO6 4BS
Email: ATLA@lipreading.org.uk

Hearing Concern

Hearing Concern is a charity for deaf and hard of hearing people. It has volunteers who will offer support in the home throughout the country.

Hearing Concern
95 Gray’s Inn Road
London WC1X 8TX
Tel/textphone 0845 0744 600
Email: info@hearingconcern.org.uk  
Website Hearing Concern (external link, opens new browser window)

The Princess Royal Trust for Carers

The trust runs a network of over 100 carers’ centres around the country. The trust provides information and support to carers.
The Princess Royal Trust for Carers, 142 Minories, London EC3N 1LB
Telephone 0207 480 7788 Fax 0207 481 4729
Email: info@carers.org  
Website Princess Royal Trust for Carers (external link, opens new browser window)

Further information from RNID

Our Information Line offers a wide range of information on many aspects of deafness and hearing loss. Contact us for further copies of this factsheet and our full range of information factsheets and leaflets.

You can also contact us if you would like information in Braille, on audiotape or large print.

RNID Information Line

RNID Information Line
19-23 Featherstone Street
London EC1Y 8SL
Telephone 0808 808 0123
Textphone 0808 808 9000
Fax 020 7296 8199

RNID Tinnitus Helpline

RNID’s Tinnitus Helpline offers information to people with tinnitus, their families and friends and the professionals who work with them.

RNID Tinnitus Helpline
19-23 Featherstone Street
London EC1Y 8SL
Telephone 0808 808 6666
Textphone 0808 808 0007
Fax 020 7296 8199
Email: tinnitushelpline@rnid.org.uk

RNID Information, December 2007